There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
