my phone needs a breathalizer
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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