went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
