Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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