he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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