Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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