somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just google imaged poop.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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