he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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