I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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