I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
