Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
