I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
do nipples grow back?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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