i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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