bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
