I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
