I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
