Nicole vs. Life
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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