Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
