can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
