last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
