you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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