Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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