A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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