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WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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