hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
