OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
