What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
