you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
