Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
