I feel great
I just peed on a car
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
