I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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