Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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