Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
