did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
