Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
