I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
