zippers are such a cool invention
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
