That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
