You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
