so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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