hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
