Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
