So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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