The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You're like the curious george of whores
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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