you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
