so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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