Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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