Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
organizing the empties. That sober.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
