mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
