my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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