Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
