I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
