your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
