Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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