my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
